cognac breath

to sip until you dont remember—this is the sound of whiskey slosh. gurgling reprise. bread gumming up the back teeth. sombre wine in the gills. my eyes keep deceiving me. or so they say. i wish i could breathe underwater. i catch glimpses of my reflection in the shower spray. who would’ve thought that wray could taste sweet. there is this late night ache in the forearm. beckoning me to reach for a man that is not there. my eyes are wide in the sink’s undertow. crazed in the midnight gloam. this is the sound of a woman turned inside out. unironed. spine crescent-like with the shape of the bath. i should have more to say than drinking, bathing, desire, and disgust. i am so thirsty for brackish water. longing for water without chlorine. tasting humidity. how much have i spoken of minerals and fat? grand poetics about what i am as if not a woman harboring rum and regret. operatic sighs stitching together my ribs. ritualistic sutures sewn by boozy women in bars. i have slept too many nights without feeling my confines. when i feel too much of my body i wonder how many layers i could peel off if physics allowed. i cannot scan my body with such boise. tonight i looked at myself and thought “how much can i drink before i evaporate into the atmosphere” wishing to become part of the water cycle. most beautiful at condensation. i have not yet come up with the words for the balancing act between drunken comfort and dissuaded gaze. there is something to be said about dysphoric points of view and dry land. remembering shorelines and the shape of the spine. because I could not tell you what makes up the bones of my creature or tannin-like sour in cognac. gently i pull at my face before i slather in suds. down the bubbles go meet more of me in the drain than i hold here. the rumors of a beautiful woman: sleek, enigmatic. the old me would’ve chameleoned until i was past the point of recognition. the new me kaleidoscopes to the point of combustion. perhaps one day i will be a stone in the river. teeming with algae and eroding over long periods of time.